Random Roasts

  • Mom: why are you weaering mix match socks?

    Me: why do all of your kids have mix match dads?

    person with tattoo: tattoos are a life time commitment y'know

    Me: but your marriage wasnt

    Aunt: shouldn't you be outside playing with other kids?

    Me: shouldn't you be raising yours?

    Bubble gum bish: At least my daddy loves me!

    Me: I think your talking about that boyfriend you call daddy..Oh wait you don't have one!

    Bully: I bet you were born on a highway because thats where most mistakes happen

    Me: Ha I bet you were born in the back of a burger king because that's where all the trash is

    Dad: What happened to that little boyfriend of yours?

    Me: The same thing that happened to your teeth

    Mah irl Sister: Ha I'm like 10× stronger than you!

    Me: You think your strong? Bitch please! I go out without make up!

    Sarah: Fuck off!

    Me: You know only one curse phrase? I can cuss you out in 5 different languages, think you can handle that?

    Girl: *talking bout how pervy males are * (and shes only half wrong XD)

    Me: If he ony wants you for your legs and thighs send him to Popeyes

    Mah irl sister: Your ugly!

    Me: Bitch please that hello kitty blow dryer is hotter than you

    (bai, and dont call coppa on meh XD)

  • the ones about my sister ar just things i wish i could say to her btw (・-・'')

  • Stella: Your ugly!
    Meh: I'm a human, not a mirror

  • Killjoy the serial killer group :)

    Someone:You have the attitude of a teenager
    Me:You have the attitude of a five year old

  • some guy: you know nothing about that car
    Me: i know alot and also it's going to be drooped on ya head if ya don't shudapthis was in auto